The present

On April 21, 2012 we saw Matt for the first time in 10 weeks.  His company finished 9 weeks of basic training and got a 36 hour pass before beginning AIT.  I can’t even describe the nervous anticipation I felt that morning as we waited for our briefing.  Then, standing outside the visitors’ center with my husband and two other children, watching his company march up by platoon, was awesome.  I wanted to laugh.  I wanted to cry.  I just wanted to hug him tight.  My son, Chris, and I had planned to run up and just jump on him, but I had a pulled tendon in my ankle and couldn’t run!  We were all so happy to have Matt with us again.  While his platoon was in formation, his expression was stern and stoic, but as soon as the drill sergeants released them to us he couldn’t help but smile. 

One thing that means a lot to me is to be able to worship together as a family, so attending Mass on Sunday together was the highlight of my weekend.  No one even complained when I woke them up.  No one begged to skip just this once.  That was nice.  Matt even commented afterwards that it was a nice church.  I was happy.

Now we are down to two weeks until his graduation from basic.  I know there is more school to follow.  First Airborne and then maybe Ranger Assessment Selection Program.  I just hope it all takes a long time.  One of my biggest fears is a Middle East deployment.  It's unnatural for a mother to send her child into harms way. 

People have said, "I don't know how you can do it.  You're so strong."  I am not.  I just don't have a choice.  Matt has made the choice and we are so very proud of him and we will continue to support him in anyway we can, but it wasn't our choice for him.   We just have to figure out how to live with it as best we can.

For me, a huge positive in the whole situation is meeting some of the most wonderful moms I've ever met, in Blue Star Mothers.  I drive an hour and a half to be with these incredible women once a month.  They are awe-inspiring.  Their stories have touched my heart.  They have made me laugh uproariously when all I could do before was cry.  They are my life savers.